My Best Friend Lives in Heaven

A Life Changing October

I remember that October night in 2014 like it was yesterday. My mom rushed into my room and screamed, “Daddy can’t breathe!” I jumped up and raced to my grandparents’ room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his oxygen mask on, looking at the floor, and struggling with every breath. It made no sense to me at the time. He had the machine. It was working. What was going on? Only time would tell.

I told my mother to call 911, my grandmother to grab him some clothes and his documentation, and for them to get prepared to leave. I then went and threw on my sneakers, grabbed my keys, and went back to get my grandfather. I told him to let me help him up so we could go. He just sat there and looked up at me. I asked him could he move and he shook his head no. My heart dropped. I could have cried right then. I never planned to wait on the ambulance. I just wanted them to know we were in route. But, at that moment I realized my grandfather was afraid. Yes afraid. Afraid because the best machine he had wasn’t portable or helping him at that moment. He knew he couldn’t make it to the hospital without it. I fell to my knees and put my hand on his left knee. My mother and grandmother stood behind me…. “Lord help him! Lord help us!” I prayed.

The Worst Wait

Patience is a virtue. And honestly, it’s one that I don’t pray for. To gain patience, you’ll be tested. And here we were being forced to endure. I was trying not to get mad, but it felt like time was standing still. Then suddenly, the medics came storming in and took him away. When I tell you that Jesus literally “took the wheel” he did. I don’t even remember following the ambulance, but I did. And after being transported to two hospitals the diagnosis was that of a collapsed lung. This is why even the machine couldn’t help. His lung was like a balloon with a hole in it. We were shocked. “Lord help him! Lord help us!” I prayed.

Time between that cold October and a slowly warming May seemed like a roller-coaster ride. An uncomfortable one in which I drastically wanted to get off. A series of emotional ups and downs, good and bad days took place. More trips to and from hospitals even occurred with the ride only ending when my grandfather passed away.

Now, it’s been five years. Five whole years and my heart is still heavy. I sometimes think back on our last conversation. I told him I wasn’t ready for him to go. I didn’t feel like I had done enough yet to make him proud yet. I wanted to be selfish even though I knew he was suffering. But, he assured me that I had done enough and that he was ready to go. I cried. Random days when I miss him dearly, all of my strength comes from knowing that him being absent from his earthly body means he’s present with The Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). But, in these passing years, there were also many moments I wanted my grandfather to have favor upon him like Lazarus. Favor that could allow him to live again.

Jesus Had a Best Friend Too

Lazarus of Bethany was the brother of Martha and Mary. They lived in Bethany which was near Jerusalem. He was regarded as Jesus’ best friend. One day he grew very ill. It was so bad that his sister’s sent word to Jerusalem where Jesus was that Lazarus may die. Jesus finished his business which took two more days before heading there. Once he arrived, both Mary and Maratha confronted him because Lazarus had died and they believed that if Jesus was there, he wouldn’t have. Jesus encouraged them that Lazarus would rise again. Maratha thought Jesus was referring to the resurrection on the last day, but he wasn’t. He made it clear that he was the resurrection!

The sisters and other Jews were deeply saddened by the death. This troubled Jesus’ spirit. He even wept. He went to the tomb and instructed the Jews to roll the tomb away. They hesitated because four days had passed, but did as they were told. Jesus called to Lazarus and he came out wrapped in his linen. (John 11:1–45). All I wanted was for my grandfather to be called by name. To be able to rise up as well. Instead…my best friend lives in heaven.

What About You? (Life Application)

Have you recently lost someone? Do you still have your best friend? It’s important to know that when you loss someone, you need to give yourself permission to grieve. Your healing process won’t look like anyone else’s and that’s okay. Everyone takes different amounts of time on the road to overcoming. There are a few things that I think are key during this time that I would like to express:

One is to be honest about your feelings. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions from disbelief, to sadness, and even anger. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He understands how we feel even when we don’t know how to express ourselves. When we don’t have he words, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us through wordless groans (Romans 8:26).

Secondly, having a strong village (support system) is very beneficial. My village encouraged me to cast all of my burdens about what happened on The Lord (Psalm 55:22). Also, they should encourage you to continue to eat, sleep, and function in a health capacity.

And lastly, allow me to affirm that you will survive. You will not forget their voice, the laughs, or the times shared. Continue to move forward one day, one hour, or one minute at a time.

Dedication

Granddaddy,

I will always cherish all the laughs, talks, drives, late night snacks… the list goes on. I’m living right, not only to see my Lord and Savior, but to see you again. In my heart forever until then… Happy Heavenly Birthday!

Chairman of Trustee, Fermon Brown Feaster (October 2nd, 1943- May 26^th, 2015)